More than you ever wanted to know...

Banana No Likey.
1. Feet. (Especially dislike: long toenails.)
2. People who leave nasty comments. Really, don't you have something more pleasant to do with your time?
3. Long fingernails on men.
4. I'm very scared of large birds and sharks. (Thankfully they're not too common in the DC-metro area.)
5. I am super clumsy - I run into tables, trip, hit myself with my own limbs, fall down, and spill on myself more than any normal human should. It's really quite ridiculous.
6. I hate when someone responds to an email of mine and spells my name wrong. It's RIGHT THERE, dude: N-I-C-O-L-E. Do you see an "h" in there anywhere? I do not.
7. When I see someone wearing gray and brown together, I lose a little bit of respect for them. Why do you think this is an acceptable color combination?
8. Beeping noises drive me f*cking nuts.
9. Along those same lines, when someone's cell phone rings and they pull it out of their bag, look to see who's calling, then stare at it for a while as they decide whether they want to answer it or not - I want to vigorously shake them and scream "WHY?!? WHYYYY?!? Just answer your goddamn phone!!!"
10. I am absolutely dumbfounded as to why anyone would give their child a first name that is essentially the same as their last name. There are a disturbingly high number of f*ckers out there named John Johnson.

Things Banana Lurrrrves
11. I love taking naps but they must be at least an hour long, a preferably on clean sheets, in a cool dark room, with my pajamas on. (Just like Nap Queen!)
12. TV shows I prefer over actual human interaction: Desperate Housewives, Gray's Anatomy, Ugly Betty, and So You Think You Can Dance.
13. I am in a book club and am often one of the only two, maybe three, girls who have actually read the book. (I often wonder why I bother!)
14. I love chocolate, especially the Lindt brand (Latte Macchiato from Germany is THE BEST). I even have a chocolate drawer designated in my refrigerator.
15. I love all wine, and have even recently taken a liking to pink wine - but I blame that on it being summer and there being a seemingly endless supply of brie in our fridge.
16. I love friendly dogs and can't wait to be a dog mommy some day. (I'm allergic to cats or I might love them, too.)
17. I find 18th and early 19th century life fascinating and wish I could travel back in time to visit it (but leave before I catch cholera or something).
18. I find the sound of the dishwasher running to be incredibly peaceful. (It's working while I am not! Cleaning is proceeding while I sit here on the couch!)
19. I love reading a good book - especially anything by Barbara Kingsolver. As annoying as my commute on the metro can be, I definitely appreciate that it affords me time to read.
20. I love singing, probably much to the chagrin of everyone in my building. Julie Andrews songs and Disney movie soundtracks are my favorites...

Teenaged Banana
21. I went to my senior prom alone because I seriously wanted to go with my Economics teacher. Sadly, I'm not kidding. (I actually turned down a friend who asked me.)
22. When my Economics teacher showed up at the prom, I had the balls to ask him to dance. (Well, not literally had the balls. Jesus, that would be scary.)
23. He said no, because "if he danced with me then he'd have to dance with everyone that asked him" and I went to the bathroom and cried out of embarrassment. (Oh my GAWD, I was such a loser.)
24. I won second place ($100) in a lip-synching contest my senior year by performing to "Les Poissons" from The Little Mermaid. (Go on, click on it.)
25. For props, I had a chef's hat on, and a stuffed Sebastian crab ornament that I'd gotten in a McDonald's happy meal which I had someone pull across the stage to make it look like he was really alive.
26. I was on the swimming and diving teams but was never very good.
27. I've been coloring my hair since I was 15 years old. Now I wish I never had because my hair is pretty ruined now. (See The Banana Hair Diaries here.)
28. Getting a perm was my worst hair-related decision. It was a few weeks before my 21st birthday and I cried for days. (I really didn't spend my entire youth crying though, I swear.)
29. My new motto, to be used eventually in this blog's header is: Friends don't let friends get perms. (If you steal that line, I'll kill you, motherf*cker. Just kidding, I'd never kill someone. However, I enjoy trying new things so you should probably watch your back, jerk.)
30. Everything I regret in my life happened before I turned 21. It's been smooth sailing since then.

Banana Bunch
31. My parents divorced when I was three years old and the custody arrangement was insane so that my dad could still be in our lives as much as possible - for which I'm very thankful. (Basic rundown: Go to Mom's after school, she'd drive us to Dad's at 6pm, and then in the morning he'd drive us back to her house before school. Spent every other weekend at Dad's.)
32. I got engaged recently but am dreading planning any sort of wedding - even a small one.
33. I have been to 5 weddings aside from my parents' remarriages and was a bridesmaid in 3 of those weddings.
34. One of the girls whose wedding I was in stopped talking to me for reasons unknown 6 months after her wedding, which honestly? Pisses me off. What a jerky thing to do! (Ex-friend, if you're reading this: what the fuck is your problem?!?)
35. I always said that if I ever ended up getting married, I don't think I'd have bridesmaids because I think they're pointless and it's expensive for them. (And if you're thinking: Who would plan your parties? I don't want any, so it's not an issue.) Now that I am engaged, I'm sticking to my plan!
36. In fact, two of my friends and I recently joked that we're going to see which of us can put together the cheapest wedding. One plans on sending out "eVites." At least two of us want simple dresses from the mall. I'm completely serious.
37. I don't want children, but people always tell me I'll change my mind. (I'd like to see what these children would look like, but I have absolutely no desire to be a mom. Not even a little bit.)
38. To change my mind about wanting children is one of my worst fears because it would turn my life upside-down and possibly cause my significant other and I to break up. (He doesn't want kids either.)
39. I actually think I'd like to be pregnant, but in reality it would probably be extremely uncomfortable because of my Stoopid Back Problems (more on that tomorrow).
40. I've wanted dogs my whole life the way most people want children and now I have two. They're both awesome in their own way, except for when the older one tries to eat poop and then he is not so awesome.

Banana Body Issues
41. I have pretty bad scoliosis (photo at left is yours truly).
42. I had to wear a hard plastic back brace for a couple years in high school (under my clothes) for 23 hours a day - I could only take the brace off for my shower and gym class. IT. SUCKED. (Updated to add: You cannot fix scoliosis without surgery, which is only performed if it's severe. The brace was to stop it from getting worse. Once you've stopped growing, wearing it is pointless.)
43. Once, in the hallway at school, a kid bumped into me while holding an unlit cigarette (on his way to the bathroom, I assume) and because I was wearing the brace, the cigarette broke. He was like "WHAT THE?!?"
44. The scoliosis makes one of my breastbones stick out, about which everyone says "Oh, I never even noticed until you pointed it out!" but I wish I could have it corrected SO MUCH. (Oprah? Are you reading this?)
45. I got (2) abscesses in my neck right before my senior year of high school started. Don't read that if you're eating.
46. I don't remember much of it but apparently I could have died.
47. I was in the hospital for a week and missed the first few days of classes.
48. I had a PICC line put in my arm so the meds could just go straight to my heart without continuing to collapse my veins. (Meds lasted for 3 weeks afterwards, multiple times a day by IV.)
49. I've always wished that I had bigger knockers, but I don't think I would ever get implants - for plenty of reasons.
50. The thing I'm most jealous of, physically, with other women is if they have really great hair. Also: super flat tummies, great toned arms, and number 49 - but those are things I could change about myself if I really wanted to. The hair - not so easy.

More Banana Health Info.
51. I've never smoked anything ever.
52. I grind my teeth in my sleep sometimes and got a mouth guard years and years ago - but now it's gross and I don't wear it any more. The one they're trying to sell me at the dentist costs like $500 but I bought one at Target for $20 is working out pretty well so far.
53. I can't chew most gum for more than a few minutes. It dries out my mouth and bothers my sensitive teeth. (Even the kinds of gum that are okay for people with dental work.)
54. I am a mosquito magnet. When we sat outside for dinner on Sunday evening (it was 95 degrees but my aunt wanted to smoke), I was bitten no less than 30 times. Boyfriend said he's going to buy me a bee suit.
55. I am cold most of the time. Boyfriend likes to call me Nicold.
56. I grew up not drinking plain milk; I have no idea how my aversion to it started. I would drink chocolate milk and eat products with dairy in them, but just wouldn't drink it. Also - I have always eaten my cereal dry.
57. I find real farts disgusting but find fake fart noises to be hilarious. Also: every time I need to enter a word verification in Blogger and the image doesn't show up, I type "FART."
58. I have (what I've been told by one doctor is) heat damage on the skin on my tummy and back. (It's subtly splotchy.)
59. My mom got skin cancer a couple times when she was younger from not wearing sunscreen so I always do. (Well, I would anyway...)
60. When I get the hiccups, I sound like a croaky frog. I wish I could change it but I don't know how to! It makes me laugh and Boyfriend thinks it's hilarious, so I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Utter Banana Randomness
61. Whenever I am alphabetizing things and I get to the u, v, w, x part of the alphabet, I have to say it in my head first so as not to mess it up.
62. I love coupons. I've subscribed to 20 weeks of the Washington Post just to get the coupons. Boyfriend says that if I had a mating call it would be, "COOO-PON! COOO-PON!"
63. Nothing makes me feel more satisfied when cleaning my home than changing the sheets. Clean, fresh sheets rock my socks off.
64. I always imagine that if I were on American Idol, I would choose to sing "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt as my audition song. (Oh, have I mentioned that I'm delusional?)
65. I love animals dressed as other animals, babies dressed as animals, and babies dressed as vegetables. Something about cute little things masquerading as other cute little things makes me want to explode from the unbearable adorableness.
66. I cannot watch scary movies. Just watching the commericals has given me nightmares in the past.
67. I have a brother who works for a major band and is currently on their world tour with them, a step-brother who is in college, and a step-sister who is at the stage where the only words I get out of her are "hi" and "fine".
68. My mom is from Germany and came to the U.S. when she was 18 after she and my dad (who was in the military) were married. Although I've been over there to visit our relatives roughly 15 times, my German sucks; my school district didn't offer German and my mom stopped speaking it to me when I was little.
69. I used to keep a journal and hoped that it would be read by my grandchildren and could give them an idea of what life was like in the late 1900's. (Oh my gosh, doesn't that sound weird?) Then I realized that if I don't want children, grandchildren sure as hell aren't going to happen. HA!
70. In a fit of entrepreneurialism at the age of 11 or 12 brought on by reading one too many Babysitter's Club books, I made a flier for my own babysitting company and my friend and I put them in my neighbors' mailboxes. Then something made us change our minds and we went back to take them out. One of the neighbors came outside shouting that it was a federal offense to steal mail and I was scared shitless. Since that day, I have done a grand total of maybe 5 babysitting jobs. Perhaps this very moment is what led to my aversion to children. (Not knowing how to handle them due to a lack of experience as a babysitter!)

Last Updated August 2008