You will buy those chips because I say so, damnit!

Ohmygosh, I went to the Super Funnest Community Education Class Ever last night! It was called "Getting Paid to Talk" and it was about working in the voice-over industry (think commercials, radio, documentaries, books on tape, even voicemail systems - ooh la la!).

This woman who was a producer for the Creative Voice Development Group came down here to talk about the business, what kind of people are good for it, how to get into it, etc. She said that essentially anyone has the potential to be suited for voice-over work these days, which is defined as any work where your voice is heard but you are not seen. (It's not just cheesy annoucer roles anymore!) But you have to be patient and persistent and get to know people in the business because that is your way in. Be nice to everyone you meet or you will face the Voice-Over Nazi: "No jobs for you!"

At the end of the class, she split us into groups and we got to stand in front of a professional recording microphone and read lines for made-up commercial advertisements (not for real products because then you deal with copyright infringement, blah blah blah). She pieced the group's lines together and put it over music and BAM! We had a commercial! It was so cool. And due to the odd number of people in the class, I got to go up for a second skit at the end!

Normally I hate hearing my voice back to me (don't we all?) but I have to say, I actually sounded good! People told me afterwards that I sounded nice as well, so that really boosted my ego. (Oh geez, watch out!)

We filled out forms if we were interested in a critique of our recording and then after class wrapped up, the instructor said she was going to take the recordings back to her hotel and analyze them. She sent her comments to her colleague this morning and he called me at the oh-so-early hour of 7:30 am to discuss them with me.

Results: I'm gonna, ahem, I mean...I'm going to make it in this business, baby! You know how sometimes you wonder if people are BSing you just to get your money? Or a favor? Well, I was worried about that here. But it really does seem legit. Either that or I'm a sucker. With an awesome voice. (Ha.)

They said that normally they give a lot of critiques to someone who has never worked in the business. But for me? Only one. (Oh yeah!) Apparently, I drop the "g" when a word ends in "ing." I was demonstrating this at work this morning by goin' around talkin' without usin' the "g" and you know what that results in? A southern accent, that's what.

But the instructor said that I'd be good at the following things:

• announcing ("Please bring all chocolate in the building to Nicole's desk!")

• public service announcements ("Steroids? Not in my game plan. How about a hot dog?")

• humorous and/or sarcastic stuff ("How many more times does my cat need to poop in my shoe before I buy ShoePurrs?" - Okay, wait, that wasn't funny. Good thing I'm not the one writing the commercials here.)

• role playing ("Well I don't appreciate it when you call me fat. It makes me want to eat more. There, I said it.")

• youthful, reflective stuff ("When I was a young girl, grandma used to make the best special brownies...")

• and narrative stuff ("Once upon a time, there was a woman who lived in a shoe. But she didn't have any children because she didn't want any - and that's okay.") which is 75% of the market.

Good stuff, no?

The thing is, you can't just jump into this business. You have to get vocal coaching and make a demo. And this costs mere pennies. Actually, I'm lying. It costs a shit load. Their company's program costs $2,150 - and that's with the "family member was in the military" discount. And of course...prices go up on Saturday.

How am I supposed to make a decision that quickly?!? I mean, luckily, if you go to the first session in the studio and they say, "Woah. You SUCK. The instructor must've had a dead moth stuck in her ear (you know you wanna follow that link) that evening because you are the William Hung of the voice acting world" then you get your full deposit back.

Jobs for beginners start at a minimum of $75 per hour. It can be 14 months before you get your first job though. Ah, the lure of the entertainment industry... What to do, what to do?