I need to make up my damn mind.

Okay, okay. Regarding my previous post(s), enough of you have expressed disappointment at not hearing El Banano talk that I feel like I should put it back up on the web.

So if you think you can handle hearing my voice click here. (For those of you that it is not working for, here is the direct link address: http://h1.ripway.com/LiberalBanana/banana.mp3 - I hope that helps...)

Warning: You'll be subjected to an awful English accent, but that's not my fault. That monkey is such a poser.

If you'd rather not hear the real me (or already heard it yesterday) and would like to merely imagine what I sound like, don't click there. I REPEAT: DO NOT CLICK THERE. I don't want anyone being freaked out over the fact that I am, indeed, a real human being. ;)

And may I also note that this is a bit more smooth than my "every day" voice, which tends to be a notch lower. I can manipulate my voice in a lot of ways, including making myself sound like I should be on a radio commercial. (Especially fun to do when speaking French.) I prefer to act silly though. I'm trying to get my co-worker to piece together an mp3 of all the stupid things I've said while we've been taping that raccoon voice for the animation...Now THAT I would LOVE to post.

Now back to my last hours at work before vacation begins. Have a great week, guys!

Sigh.

It seems like everyone's had writer's block or taken some time off over the summer and now it's my turn. I'm leaving on Saturday morning on a vacation to Colorado, where I've never been. In fact, before our trip to California's wine country last year, I hadn't been west of Chicago.

The number of blogs I must read to keep up on everyone's lives is piling up already, as it always does, after one day of not being able to read them. (Very productive, busy day at work though!) I'm going to have to take next week off (this is like a freakin' job!) in order to fully relax and enjoy my trip.

I had a whole funny post started about a crazy trip to the craptastic mall near my home last night, but I left it at work and won't be back there for a whole glorious 11 days, so just make something up in your heads involving Taco Bell and a camera salewoman who told me "THIS" was a button for the flash when "THIS" was a SCREW.

By the way, I posted an mp3 of me talking today and I only got 4 comments within 8 hours - three out of the four mentioning how creepy it was to hear me talk - and I almost cried. After whining out loud to myself more than once: "Why is no one commenting on my BLAWWWWG????", I decided to take it down. You don't like hearing the Banana talk? Fine, we'll go back to the CareerBuilder.com monkeys.

I'll be back on Labor Day. Until then, internet peeps...

Get Firefox!

Goddamn motherf*cking Internet Explorer is not showing the page properly! Please do yourselves a favor and upgrade to Mozilla Firefox! Now! I'm working on fixing the issue but have no idea how...

A long time coming.

The Liberal Banana Blog Remodeling Project 2006 (LBBRP '06) is finally completed! Finished! Finito! Aaaaand...I'm spent.

I really didn't want the main text area to be so thin but I couldn't work around it. I wanted the text to start up in the header area and the thin text box was necessary for this to work. There's a workaround if I would be willing to fix the site to the left-hand side of your browser window (so that when you open the window as wide as possible, it'll stick to the left side) but I was not willing to do that. I wanted to keep the margins on "auto" so that the site content is always in the middle of your window.

(I happen to have a 20-something inch monitor at work and when the browser window is fully expanded, having a website that's left-justified just looks WRONG. Wrong, I tell you!)

I'd love to write a "How To" on how I did this site redesign but OHMYGODITWASSOCOMPLICATED. I'd like to thank my co-workers Jeff and Dave for their help. They are the real web gurus and whenever I came to them asking, "How do I make part of my header a link waah waaah waaah!" they'd point me in the right direction. (Thanks, guys!)

If you want to learn how to spiff up your blog in smaller ways, check out my tutorials in the sidebar. I've updated them so that they can accept comments now, so if they work for you, let me know! (And if they don't, also let me know!)

I'm so glad that I can stop dealing with this now! Time to go crack open an iced tea in celebration! WOO to the freakin' HOO!

One fact you shouldn't go another moment without knowing.

According to WorldToilet.org, the average person spends about three years of his or her life in the bathroom.

Stash that away in the part of your brain where you store your This is Going to Come in Handy Someday facts. Then the next time you're at a dinner party and there's a lull in the conversation, you can dig deep into the recesses of your brain for something to say and blurt out, "The average person spends about three years of his or her life in the bathroom!"

You can thank me later.

This weekend, I had the lofty goal to finish "remodeling" the downstairs bathroom at Boyfriend's house. It was going to my very own little project - fully sanctioned by BF so don't go accusing me of taking over his place (just yet).

I was going to perform a quick and easy yet miraculous facelift on the tiny room. New shower curtain, new cheap but attractive peel-and-stick tiles on the floor, some paint, and perhaps a new wastebasket and soap dispenser. VOILA! The transformation from Dirty Man John to Chic Unisex Washroom would be complete.

Yeah...not so much.

The only thing we actually did get accomplished was to hang a new (MILDEW RESISTANT!) shower curtain liner. The shower curtain we purchased at Target was apparently made by someone who wasn't familiar with the whole "shower curtain liner should be hidden by the shower curtain" idea - its first opening for a curtain ring was roughly half an inch from the edge of the curtain. Um, what?

And then, as if I needed another deal-breaker, Boyfriend pointed out that there was a rip in the curtain.

Grrrr.

Now, instead of a half-assed renovation we've decided to go all out. (Thanks for sucking, Target shower curtain!) It started with "Well, the floor is only 4'x 4'...We could put down a nicer floor." Then Boyfriend's suggestion of getting a simple pedestal sink (to replace the current you-can-see-the-plumbing-underneath sink) escalated to getting a cool-as-all-get-out sink like the one pictured here. (Not that exact one but something similar.) This will be complemented with dark wood floors.

(Sidenote: When I was searching for a picture of a sink to post, I found this site. It's cats in sinks. Yup, you just read that properly. They're cats. And they're in sinks. It's like snakes being on a plane but without the death and the screaming and whatnot. And if you like that, you should check out Stuff on My Cat! It's stuff! On people's cats!)

So needless to say, with two bathroom modeling projects going on, a blog remodeling in the works (if this isn't done by the end of the week I'm going to cry), and a vacation to Colorado starting on Saturday, things are a bit hectic around here.

Perhaps to ease the stress, I should get a cat. I don't care if I'm allergic; I want to put it in the new sink and take its picture.

Conservative Clinchpoopers

Well, thanks to Bill O'Reilly, I've had about 80 out my last 100 hits from people Googling the word "clinchpoop." (I wrote about it briefly in April after coming across the word in a game of Balderdash. It means boob. As in idiot not life-giving milk machines.)

Apparently, he told his viewers to look it up - I have no idea why. And apparently, when Bill O'Reilly tells his viewers to do something, they do it.

(If I tell you to go visit this site will you do it?)

The irony of it is that the people who are watching his show - unless they're watching for the laugh factor of it all - are not the sort of people who would have any interest in what the LIBERAL Banana has to say. Not that I get all political on my site, but my conservatives stand for everything that my core beliefs do not. If people agree with the crap that comes out of O'Reilly's mouth, then I don't think I want them sticking around this site. I don't need that kind of negativity getting anywhere near me.

For example, one of O'Reilly's referrals just left me a brilliantly backhanded comment on that makeup post I did last month:

"You would look better if you straightened your nose. Good job on the make-up."

This darling came from someone who works for JM Family Enterprises in Cornelius, NC.

Thanks for visiting, asshat!

* * * * *
During my visit to the Sitemeter account this morning, I also found that Google recently referred some other people to my site through the following word searches:

"hump banana" - Okay, I don't even want to know what this person was looking for. Seriously.

"angry banana" - Ah, emotional produce. I have to say, this person was probably disappointed when they came across my site. My anger has calmed down a bit since I started venting through this site. I'm sure that if you stick around long enough, you'll see it flare again from time to time though. (Like if I get a bunch of fuckwad comments from confrontational conservatives today! Fun times!)

"uncontrollable sweating on a plane" - Sorry, my uncontrollable sweating occurs on the bus, but it's close! Is this perhaps caused by all those damn snakes slithering around your feet and coming out of the overhead bins? Because I imagine that would cause uncontrollable sweating in a LOT of people. You're not alone, brother.

I also get a lot of people via Google Image searches on sun poisoning (which I got in Aruba in January because I apparently suffered from an extreme case of idiocy which caused me to neglect reapplying my sunscreen after snorkeling on Day 1) and also an image of the wrestler/actor "The Rock." I've checked my archives and I don't see any photos of him anywhere, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was one somewhere - he's hot!

Now seriously: please go visit this site!

All very important issues.

#1: BABIES

I got a comment yesterday about whether or not my neighbors, the Bradsteins, knew that I had dropped two foreign teenagers off at the airport without ensuring that they had passed through security problem-free. Both Samantha Jo and Kami thought that the Bradsteins might not want "irresponsible" little me (my words, not theirs) to babysit their adorable brand new little son.

To which I say: YOU THINK I'M GOING TO BABYSIT AN ACTUAL BABY?!? I don't think so. This non-maternal girl does not Sit with the Babies. I dogsit and that is as far as my sitting abilities extend. I love my neighbors to bits but if they ever asked me to watch "3B" in a pinch, it would be a mess. Poop everywhere. Barf in my hair. I'd dangle him over the balcony. (Oh my god, I'm just kidding - I would never do that! I can't even lean over my own balcony without getting creeped out and I'm a fully grown adult! Just typing that is making me shake a little! Don't worry, Bradsteins, I would never dangle your child over anything! Well, maybe except for the sink if he is covered in vomit or feces, which would most definitely happen if I were left in charge.)

So I repeat: I don't volunteer to watch over children. 16-year olds only when it is mandated by Family Law. Stupid Family Law!

#2: LIVING WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

Janet said something about this last week and I felt like a total buttface for having let this fall by the wayside for so long...

The moving in with Boyfriend is definitely ON!

"Game on!"

I was all super obsessed about it in these two posts at the beginning of July. Like freaking out about it. We'd talked about doing a "trial run" which was something I read about in my "Unmarried To Each Other" book - a book I'd bought when I was having one of my quarter-life crises and needed to find proof that there were others out there who didn't want to follow the typical "meet person, move in shortly thereafter, get married, have babies" pattern that I felt like EVERY FREAKIN' PERSON ON EARTH ASIDE FROM ME was happy to follow.

(And thanks to the internet and all of you wonderful people, I now know that there are plenty of people who take less than conventional routes to happiness and yet still reach that same content end! Thank you!)

So now we have decided to call the "trial run" a "sneak preview" so that I can make plans (oh how I do love to make plans!) in preparation for the move like selling random pieces of furniture and assisting in remodeling decisions in MY FUTURE HOME!

This past weekend, I prepped the drywall in the stairway into the walk-out basement with primer and Boyfriend WASN'T EVEN HOME! It was like I lived there! I had music on and I sang while I painted! It was crazy! CRAZY!

The date of the move has been pushed back, however. Boyfriend's roommate has plans to move in with some friends - but their basement apartment won't be available for him until December. So beware! Four months from now, the previously short-lived Living Together question segment will be back in full force!

#3: BLOGGING

I just want to take a moment to apologize to everyone for my lack of blog reading in the last week. First, the boys were staying with me and every free moment was busy with watching Charlie's Angels (with English captions on) or putting on funny hats in museum gift shops. Then I worked at my second job on Friday. (Work! Ack!) And by the time the weekend rolled around, I was completely out of the blogging loop. The thought of 800 unread posts did not appeal to me, even a little bit, and I decided to spend my time priming drywall instead.

However, I have not forgotten you all. I will return soon, honest to bananas.

While you're at it, why don't you run down the stairs with these scissors?

I'm back! I had some family obligations to take care of this past week.
My 16-year old cousin and his friend had been in the States visiting my mother for two weeks. My mother drove them down to my aunt in Richmond last weekend and then I got them on Monday night. I have to say, I wasn't happy about taking three days off of work but the boys ended up being a pleasure to host. Polite, helpful, and offering to pay for things...What more could you ask for from guests?

The boys left on Thursday - the day the whole "Do Not Bring Liquids or Gels on the Plane" thing broke loose - but thankfully we saw it on the news when we woke up that morning.

Internet, I have to admit something though.

I am a bad adult guardian.

I DROPPED THE KIDS OFF AT THE CURB AT THE AIRPORT, MADE SURE THEY HAD THEIR PASSPORTS, AND THEN DROVE OFF.

What the hell was I thinking? I wasn't, that's what. My mind was in the usual "drop someone off at the airport" mode which I now realize is actually "drop off fully-capable adult American at the airport" mode. Drive up to the curb. Wish them well, make sure they have all their stuff, and leave. I mean, they're adults, they'll be fine.

But DERRR - these are 16-year olds! WHO ARE GERMAN! Yes, their English is perfect but HELLO?!? What if they had had a problem??? Later I found out that they had my mother's cell phone number in case something happened - THANK BEJEEBUS. What if they hadn't, though? What if they hadn't had a phone number to call and there had been a problem?!? Then they would've been stranded at the airport in Washington, DC for the rest of their lives like Tom Hanks in Terminal! I'm nauseous just thinking about it.

Also ridiculous: I didn't even consider that I'd done something stupid until I talked to my mother three hours later.

Me: "I dropped the boys off at the airport this afternoon!"
Mother: "Did you walk the boys in?"
Me: "Um...SHIT."

Luckily, they were fine. No problems. Their flight was delayed 4 hours in New York because of thunderstorms - not security - but they made it home safely. I told my mother to apologize to the boys and their families for my total lack of sense. I felt like such a douchebag! I still do!

Now I hope you, my fair readers, will forgive me for my idiocy. (However, I still do not recommend leaving your children under my not-so-watchful eye.) In an attempt to make ammends, I have put together a photo collage of our touristy times in DC this week to show you what a good host I was up until those last 5 minutes. Enjoy...



National Museum of Natural History

No longer a mystery.

I just got back from lunch with Mystery Mommy!

She lives just outside of DC and drove all the way into the city to have lunch with little ol' moi. Naturally, I forgot my camera.

Liz is a lovely, friendly, outgoing woman who was an absolute pleasure to meet. We had Indian food and chatted about our respective favorite bloggers. We discussed the difficulties we've found in being a blog writer and about how much the phrase "Where you at?" makes me want to go postal.

Thanks for getting me out of the office, Liz - it was wonderful to meet you!

Self-conscious

Imagine this scenario. You are a volunteer at an animal shelter. While you are there, the dogs jump all over you giving you kisses, scratching you in their excitement to say hello. While you are in a "doggie den" to take photos of its inhabitants for the website you say out loud to your friend, "I think I may have just sat in dog pee."

Afterwards, you and your friend proceed to head into the heart of the city where you have plans to meet with your friend's friend to hang out by her new apartment building's pool. You stop into Whole Foods to pick up a sandwich and drink for lunch.

In the car on your way to Friend #2's place, you decide to open the sparkling water you just purchased at Whole Foods. You open it carefully so as not to incur the Wrath of the Bubbles. However, your attention is more on the road than on your carbonated Poland Spring and the bubbles WRATH all over your pants. Super fantastico.

You have been instructed to bring your own lounge chairs to Friend #2's building because the pool area is small and they often run out. You manage to score a spot directly in front of Friend #2's building (thank you Jebus), gather all of your things - including your large and cumbersome lounge chairs - and head to the front doors. You try your best to carry your towel in front of you to cover the huge wet mark left from your exploding water bottle.

As you enter, you discover that Friend #2 lives The Nicest Apartment Building in the Universe. Beautiful. Hip. Undoubtedly expensive but oh my god so worth it. Walking distance to Georgetown. Pure perfection. You die a little a lot inside of jealousy.

You take the elevator to the PH level and walk around the corner of the building to the pool perched upon the rooftop, overlooking the city. As you walk over to Friend #2, it's like you've stepped onto the set of The O.C.

Beautiful people lounge on chairs, bronzed to perfection, wearing fashionable sunglasses. Two girls stand in the pool, leaning on its edge, reading magazines; next to them two Diet Cokes are perched on the sunny deck. You notice with some amusement that every single girl has blonde hair. You are keenly aware that you are wearing dirty sneakers, smell like dog, and look as if you've peed your pants.

"Um, yes, nice to meet you, too - now can you tell me where the changing room are PLEASE GOD QUICKLY?"

You asked... I replied.

I forgot to thank you all for your wonderful "cheap wedding" stories the other day. You have given me hope that you can indeed have a simple yet beautiful wedding without spending a fortune. I have a feeling that Blog-o-licious' comment about spending the most money on wine will be repeated by me one day as well!

And regarding the questions as to whether or not the picture of the x-ray was my own: yes, it's my x-ray. I hung it up in front of the window with some hair clips for that photo!

Now on to the questions...

Janet: "If you were to adopt three puppies today, what would you name them?"

I wouldn't get puppies unless I was able to work from home (or better yet - stay home NOT working), but if I did, their names would depend on two things: their personalities and their appearance. Not that I'd go naming a dalmatian "Spot" or something that obvious, but I'd want a name that fit the dog. So I hate to not answer the question directly, but I honestly don't have any dog names pre-picked out! (Sorry!)

Samantha Jo: "favorite breed of dog and why (and none of that "it's the personality not the breed" crap because while I believe that as well, we ALL have our favorite for one reason or another)"

If you ask my volunteer partner at the shelter, she'd say it's beagles; I have a soft spot for them. Their eyes are so expressive and they're generally very friendly and sweet. But as far as really good looking dogs, I think weimaraners and Greater Swiss Mountain dogs are gorgeous. (Not necessarily my cup of tea personality-wise though.)

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom": "A friend of mine has a saying: Ach tung lever veinerschnitzel? (sp?) I know your German isn't that great...but..can you tell me what it means?"

'Achtung' means warning. 'Weinerschnitzel' is a fried boneless pork chop. Not sure what 'lever' is.

He or she might be saying "Ach du liebe weinerschnitzel" which is saying, essentially, "Oh dear weinerschnitzel." (Which makes no sense.)

I just checked with my mother, who agreed. She also said that if it's really "Achtung lever weinerschnitzel" it means "CAUTION: Delivering weinerschnitzel." HA!

Lauren: "Banana, I imagine you to be tall. How tall are you?"

I am 5'8". Just your average bear!

HeatherAdair (regarding Babysitter's Club books): "er, was that just me that tried to "copy" every outfit that diabetic kid wore...i think she was Stacey?"

Yep, that was Stacey. She did have some rockin' outfits! For some reason, I wanted to be MaryAnn though. Probably because she had Logan!

Pete Bogs: "weren’t you Rocky the Bee for a pizza place or something? perhaps you feel you’ve suffered for your art and now others must as well?"..."did your teachers ever tell you you’d get arrested for talking during a fire drill?"

Good try, but I was the "O.C.Bee" - Old Country Buffet Bee. I think dressing fully in costume is not quite as fun as when someone's real face is still sticking out. It's the combination of the two that kills me...

And no, my teachers never told us we'd be arrested for talking during a fire drill. What the hell kind of school did you go to?

Zygote Daddy: "What, are you a step-sib-o-phobe or something? They only get a "that" when your bro gets a "who"? Am I reading too much into this?"

Yes, I hate those step-jerks. I lock them in a closet whenever I get the chance and throw bags over their heads for good measure.

No, but seriously: I didn't even realize that I did that - good catch!

Rude Cactus: "Ahhh...how bout the age-old dinner party question - if you could pick any five people, living or dead, to have over for dinner, who'd you choose?

Oh, and desert island stuff - favorite movies, music and especially books!"

Dinner people: The author Margaret Atwood, my great-grandmother (I really want to learn some of my family history and the damn National Archives are only open during business hours on weekdays!), the author Barbara Kingsolver, Henry Ford to discuss with him of the effects of automobiles on our environment, and Hitler so I could poison him myself.

Desert island: I'd bring my Barbara Kingsolver books to inspire me to create a sustainable living space for myself on the island; my iPod and the soon-to-be invented (I can just feel it) solar-powered charger so I have ALL my music; and I'd just have my Netflix subscription forwarded, along with a solar-powered TV and DVD player (also soon to be invented). *If you want to know which specific music, movies, and books I like, just check out my profile!

And this was on Tuesday's post but Isabel asked: "If you want a dog, why don't you have one? I'm confused. (should I know this?)"

I don't have pups yet because with my commute, I am gone for a grand total of 11.5 hours. (6:30 am - 6 pm) I am not ready to dedicate a big chunk of my paycheck to a dog walker and I don't feel that it's fair to leave the dog alone for that long. Especially if it needs to be in its crate while it's getting used to its new home. When I move in with El Boyfriend-o, we'll consider getting a dog at some point because we'll have a fenced in yard and a double income that will make getting a dog walker more feasible.

This was fun guys, thanks! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Ciao for now!

You could make banana bread outta me: Items 61-70

I'm really stretching for things to tell you about myself today. Things that are at least mildly amusing and not just "By the way, have I told how much I dislike feet?" So I think that today is going to be the end; I guess my final compilation of this past week's posts will just have to be renamed 70 Things About Me.

Here we go for the last time...

Utter Banana Randomness
61. Whenever I am alphabetizing things and I get to the u, v, w, x part of the alphabet, I have to say it in my head first so as not to mess it up.
62. I love coupons. I've subscribed to 20 weeks of the Washington Post just to get the coupons. Boyfriend says that if I had a mating call it would be, "COOO-PON! COOO-PON!"
63. Nothing makes me feel more satisfied when cleaning my home than changing the sheets. Clean, fresh sheets rock my socks off.
64. I always imagine that if I were on American Idol, I would choose to sing "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt as my solo in the finals. (Oh, have I mentioned that I'm delusional?)
65. I love animals dressed as other animals, babies dressed as animals, and babies dressed as vegetables. Something about cute little things masquerading as other cute little things makes me want to explode from the unbearable adorableness.
66. I cannot watch scary movies. Just watching the commericals has given me nightmares in the past.
67. I have a brother who is 23, a step-brother that is 17, and a step-sister that is 12.
68. My mom is from Germany and came to the U.S. when she was 18 after she and my dad (who was in the military) were married. Although I've been over there to visit our relatives roughly 15 times, my German sucks; my school district didn't offer German and my mom stopped speaking it to me when I was little.
69. I used to keep a journal and hoped that it would be read by my grandchildren and could give them an idea of what life was like in the late 1900's. (Oh my gosh, doesn't that sound weird?) Then I realized that if I don't want children, grandchildren sure as hell aren't going to happen. HA!
70. In a fit of entrepreneurialism at the age of 11 or 12 brought on by reading one too many Babysitter's Club books, I made a flier for my own babysitting company and my friend and I put them in my neighbors' mailboxes. Then something made us change our minds and we went back to take them out. One of the neighbors came outside shouting that it was a federal offense to steal mail and I was scared shitless. Since that day, I have done a grand total of maybe 5 babysitting jobs. Perhaps this very moment is what led to my aversion to children. (Not knowing how to handle them due to a lack of experience as a babysitter!)

Now, after reading 70 things about me, I can't imagine you would want to know anything else - but if you've been dying to ask El Banano something, feel free to ask it in the comments today.

For example, "Where do you shop for your bananas?" To which the answer would be: "Anywhere but frickin' Giant because it appears as though their bananas are dragged to the store from South America in a sack behind a truck."

Shall we make a lunch date? Great! If you stand me up, I'll cry. And no one puts Banana in the corner. (Closet or garage, perhaps - but oh no, not the corner. I hate the fucking corner.)

More Bananaliciousness: Items 41-60

To answer questions from yesterday: first of all, my econ teacher was 31 when I graduated (I think). Secondly, that very teacher took a video at the Lip Sync contest and then showed it in class (it was the end of the year). I should ask him what happened to it - I'd love to see it! You know, if I still had that chef's hat, I could recreate that performance for you. Where the hell is that hat?!?

Now on to today's ME, ME, ME items!

Banana Body Issues
41. I have pretty bad scoliosis (see photo).
42. I had to wear a hard plastic back brace for a couple years in high school (under my clothes) for 23 hours a day - I could only take the brace off for my shower and gym class. IT. SUCKED. (Updated to add: You cannot fix scoliosis without surgery, which is only performed if it's severe. The brace was to stop it from getting worse. Once you've stopped growing, wearing it is pointless.)
43. Once, in the hallway at school, a kid bumped into me while holding an unlit cigarette (on his way to the bathroom, I assume) and because I was wearing the brace, the cigarette broke. He was like "WHAT THE?!?"
44. The scoliosis makes one of my breastbones stick out, about which everyone says "Oh, I never even noticed until you pointed it out!" but I wish I could have it corrected SO MUCH. (Oprah? Are you reading this?)
45. I got (2) abscesses in my neck right before my senior year of high school started. Don't read that if you're eating.
46. I don't remember much of it but apparently I could have died.
47. I was in the hospital for a week and missed the first few days of classes.
48. I had a PICC line put in my arm so the meds could just go straight to my heart without continuing to collapse my veins. (Meds lasted for 3 weeks afterwards, multiple times a day by IV.)
49. I've always wished that I had bigger knockers, but I don't think I would ever get implants - for plenty of reasons.
50. The thing I'm most jealous of, physically, with other women is if they have really great hair. Also: super flat tummies, great toned arms, and number 49 - but those are things I could change about myself if I really wanted to. The hair - not so easy.

More Banana Health Info.
51. I've never smoked anything ever.
52. I grind my teeth in my sleep sometimes and got a mouth guard years and years ago - but now it's gross and I don't wear it any more. New ones at the dentist cost hundreds of dollars and so far I've been too cheap to get one - even though it's very important for my long-term dental care.
53. I can't chew most gum for more than a few minutes. It dries out my mouth and bothers my sensitive teeth. (Even the kinds of gum that are okay for people with dental work.)
54. I am a mosquito magnet. When we sat outside for dinner on Sunday evening (it was 95 degrees but my aunt wanted to smoke), I was bitten no less than 30 times. Boyfriend said he's going to buy me a bee suit.
55. I am cold most of the time. Boyfriend likes to call me Nicold.
56. I grew up not drinking plain milk; I have no idea how my aversion to it started. I would drink chocolate milk and eat products with dairy in them, but just wouldn't drink it. Also - I have always eaten my cereal dry. These days I'll have vanilla or toffee nut steamers at Starbucks (oh, that sounds so gross!)... Don't worry - I take Calcium pills and have a yogurt every single day.
57. I find real farts disgusting but find fake fart noises to be hilarious. Also: every time I need to enter a word verification in Blogger and the image doesn't show up, I type "FART."
58. I have (what I've been told by one doctor is) heat damage on the skin on my tummy and back. (It's subtly splotchy.)
59. My mom got skin cancer a couple times when she was younger from not wearing sunscreen so I always do. (Well, I would anyway...)
60. When I get the hiccups, I sound like a croaky frog. I wish I could change it but I don't know how to! It makes me laugh and Boyfriend thinks it's hilarious, so I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Shiznit About Me: Items 21-40

A lot of today's items were in my original "100 Things" so if you were one of the brave souls to read through that, I commend you. And I would love to say that your reward is that you get today off from reading The Banana and instead you can go take a nap or something - but NO! WAIT! Instead I would like to send you over to Jen's blog - Once More...With Feeling. She did a "5 Questions" interview with me last week and it has been posted today. Double the Banana! Double the fun! (Although that's debatable.)

Now on to Items 21-40...

Teenaged Banana
21. I went to my senior prom alone because I seriously wanted to go with my Economics teacher. Sadly, I'm not kidding. (I actually turned down a friend who asked me.)
22. When my Economics teacher showed up at the prom, I had the balls to ask him to dance. (Well, not literally had the balls. Jesus, that would be scary.)
23. He said no, because "if he danced with me then he'd have to dance with everyone that asked him" and I went to the bathroom and cried out of embarrassment. (Oh my GAWD, I was such a loser.)
24. I won second place ($100) in a lip-synching contest my senior year by performing to "Les Poissons" from The Little Mermaid. (Go on, click on it.)
25. For props, I had a chef's hat on, and a stuffed Sebastian crab ornament that I'd gotten in a McDonald's happy meal which I had someone pull across the stage to make it look like he was really alive.
26. I was on the swimming and diving teams but was never very good.
27. I've been coloring my hair since I was 15 years old. Now I wish I never had because my hair is pretty ruined now. (See The Banana Hair Diaries here.)
28. Getting a perm was my worst hair-related decision. It was a few weeks before my 21st birthday and I cried for days. (I really didn't spend my entire youth crying though, I swear.)
29. My new motto, to be used eventually in this blog's header is: Friends don't let friends get perms. (If you steal that line, I'll kill you, motherf*cker. Just kidding, I'd never kill someone. However, I enjoy trying new things so you should probably watch your back, jerk.)
30. Everything I regret in my life happened before I turned 21. It's been smooth sailing since then.

Banana Bunch
31. My parents divorced when I was three years old and the custody arrangement was insane so that my dad could still be in our lives as much as possible - for which I'm very thankful. (Basic rundown: Go to Mom's after school, she'd drive us to Dad's at 6pm, and then in the morning he'd drive us back to her house before school. Spent every other weekend at Dad's.)
32. I don't feel a strong need to get married because I know it doesn't necessarily keep people together. (Also, see number 37.)
33. I have been to 5 weddings aside from my parents' remarriages and was a bridesmaid in 3 of those weddings.
34. One of the girls whose wedding I was in stopped talking to me for reasons unknown 6 months after her wedding, which honestly? Pisses me off. What a jerky thing to do! (Ex-friend, if you're reading this: what the fuck is your problem?!?)
35. If I ever end up getting married, I don't think I'm going to have bridesmaids because I think they're pointless and it's expensive for them. (And if you're thinking: Who will plan your parties? I don't want any, so it's not an issue.)
36. In fact, two of my friends and I recently joked that we're going to see which of us can put together the cheapest wedding. One plans on sending out "eVites." At least two of us want simple dresses from the mall. I'm completely serious.
37. I don't want children, but people always tell me I'll change my mind. (I'd like to see what these children would look like, but I have absolutely no desire to be a mom. Not even a little bit.)
38. To change my mind about wanting children is one of my worst fears because it would turn my life upside-down and possibly cause my significant other and I to break up. (He doesn't want kids either.)
39. I actually think I'd like to be pregnant, but in reality it would probably be extremely uncomfortable because of my Stoopid Back Problems (more on that tomorrow).
40. I can't wait to get a dog (or two!) of my own. I've wanted dogs my whole life the way most people want children. Puppies make me feel warm and happy inside! Good times.