Next time, I'll just drive.
There's nothing to inspire a blog post quite like traveling on the day before Thanksgiving.
I left home yesterday morning for the painful trek to BWI airport. Just had to take a bus to a train to another train to another bus, then get on a plane, and finally get picked up at the airport in upstate NY by my father. Total flight time: 56 minutes. Total travel time: 5-1/2 hours.
So I'm wondering: Does anyone actually feel any safer after going through security in airports? In every American airport I've been to, there's always like one employee that's running the x-ray machine and looking off into space half the time, and another one who waves you through the metal detector. Then there's always like 20 other TSA agents standing around talking, laughing, and generally doing anything that does not resemble what they've been hired to do. Don't you people have a break room or someplace you could go if you're not actually working? Or are you supposed to be working? Either way, I'm annoyed.
Also - can we just stop this bullshit about not bringing liquids in your carry-on luggage? I got through security once (accidentally of course) with an entire bottle of Aquafina in my purse. Yesterday, I got nervous that I didn't have a plastic baggie to put my eye drops and 18 lip glosses into, but guess what? They didn't notice that I had them...or didn't care. I think everyone has a story like that. My brother even got through a security checkpoint once with a KNIFE he'd forgotten was in his carry-on. Suuuuper.
So once I got past the "security" checkpoint, I looked around for someplace to eat lunch. I decided to treat (and I use that word loosely) myself to McDonald's. I only eat there like two times a year and even though I know how unhealthy their food is, I have to say: it tastes pretty damn good.
When I walked up to the restaurant, there was no line. I stood about 10 feet back from the counter to read the menu, and then some more people walked up and did the same thing. Clearly, we were reading the menu. But the workers behind the counter still said, "Can we help someone?" Okay, seriously? Can you not see that you cannot help any of us at this present moment, unless maybe you're willing to read my mind and tell me what it is that I'm in the mood for today? I'm pretty sure that when I figure out what I want, I'll walk up to you and tell you. But thanks.
I ended up ordering a cheeseburger (I try not to look at the meat, if you can even call it meat), a small fries, an apple pie, and a bottle of water. When I ordered, the girl at the counter said, "Just one pie?" Yup, just one pie. And then as I handed over my money, I saw that one pie is 99 cents but two pies are just ONE PENNY MORE. Are you fucking kidding me? What is that all about? Talk about trying to make Americans fatter! Who would resist the second pie? Well, thanks to my poor salewoman of a cashier, I did. But I have to say, if she'd said, "You know, for one cent more you could get two pies" I probably would've done it!
And it turns out, the McDonald's at BWI doesn't even have a small fry. The smallest size is a medium. Oh, did the cashier mention this? No, of course not. So I said "small" and she rang up "medium" - which I then proceeded to pay for and eat. (At least I didn't have that second pie nearby, too!)
Before I got on my flight, I went to the ladies restroom. As one of the stalls became available, I started to walk into it and the woman turned back and said, "Oh, I forgot to flush it" and then proceeded to flush the handle using her HAND. Um, how many of you flush a public toilet (the kind with the big handle sticking out, not the little knob on the toilet tank) with your hand and how many of you just kick it? Because I am definitely a Kick It kind of gal. The idea of touching the handle with my hand made me gag a little bit.
On our flight, I was lucky enough to be seated in the second to last row with TWO babies sitting behind me. (With their parents, of course. One family, two babies.) Of course, the babies started crying. But then an angel appeared in the row across from me who played peek-a-boo with the kid until she stopped screaming. I almost hugged her. Thank you, angel lady.
As we were landing, it became turbulent. I looked up from my book because I was getting nauseous and then noticed that a woman in the row in front of me was viewing web pages on her cell phone. Um, hi. Have you never flown before? Did you not hear the "turn off all electronic devices" announcement? If we crash and I survive, I am going to blame it on your goddamn BlackBerry interfering with the plane's navigational systems. The pilot was probably like, "It says here that we should turn south-southwest at the corner of....Piperlime? I don't see that on the map....Oh dear god!" And it would be all your fault, lady.
Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!
